I miss the misery

    Hello phantom reader,
  I know it's been a really long while since I've done a proper blog post and let me just explain to you why. The months before starting university, my family and I were hit with an obstacle..a huge one actually that definitely affected us for good. Finances had to be organized, certain personal logistics had to be settled, the whole nine yards. But I'm not going to tell you guys about that since it's a family thing and I alone don't have the rights to make the decision to tell you all about it so we'll leave it at that. I've told you guys this just to inform you my absence in those two months. It's the months that came after that was the reason I wanted to blog today....

    So I began university around the middle of September. I live in my own personal hostel room, my own bathroom everything's great. Lecturers are great, class schedule is very relaxed, students don't haze you so as you can tell everything there seems wonderful......on the outside. The truth is I can't help myself but feel so upset and frustrated everyday when I'm at uni because I feel like a total dumbass. Everytime when I'm in class I'm always looking at the time waiting for it to be over, I give up trying to understand anything being taught during, and at times I catch myself having miniature panic attacks because I realized that I gave up trying to make sense of what's happening.

   I hate it that I feel this way, isn't it suppose to be different? I made the conscious decision to do this course, I was convinced that I was going to love being here and learn more out of it. But only about 5 weeks in, I find myself just feeling down all the time, I wait for the weekends just so I could go home and get away from it all. It sucks because I don't know so much and I have no energy to actually go find out whatever it is that I don't know! I mean, I go to the library and try to do notes and read the books but nothing's really getting into my head. I always tell myself that I'm gonna do some extra work after class but I just end up going back to my room  and sleep because I just want to escape it all. Furthermore, it also doesn't help that most of my course mates were diligent A-level students who know much more than I do. Oh, and I'm finding myself to be more uncomfortable in my skin now. I tend to stutter in conversations and I feel uncomfortable at times sitting next to people in class.
  My spiritual faith is greatly weakened as well. My prayers have been so few as of late. I'm doing my very best to catch up with them but all these thoughts just made me into more of a sloth than I already am.
  I'm currently taking an optional subject that's under the school of english and education and they seem to be doing the most wonderful subject modules that seem to reflect my own personal interests more than the subjects i'm doing now. I've had thoughts about possibly changing course but really? Change it? It's so much trouble though, I can't just go up to my parents and tell them I'm not happy about my choice, IT WAS MY CHOICE!! They didn't force me into anything. I wanted to be here doing this degree. It's not like I'm in Engineering or Biomedicine. I've already payed for the entire first year pulak tu! I don't want to tell my parents about this because I think I've finally convinced them that I'm somewhat happy where I am today. Like they won't question me any further if I answer them "it's alright/okay" every time they ask me how I'm doing at school. Thus to me, that's like the best thing you could ever give a parent, the knowledge of your child being happy and well in something, and I'm not going to jeopardise that.
  There's nothing wrong with my lecturers, they are as capable as my teachers back at CPU. It's just me.... Depressed is a strong word but... I'm in a situation if someone were to come up to me and told me to put my chin up and pull myself together, I would actually muster up all the anger in my body and push that person off a balcony of a high rise building. It's not that easy to pull it all together and say to myself "syaitan is influencing me, I must fight their influence!" (which is totally something my mum would say by the way).
   Hence, let me conclude that my long absence was due to me feeling all of these things and trying to deal or suppress them. I'm trying to be more positive about it. I don't want to give up just yet. So as a first measure, I'm going to link this post to my tumblr page, hopefully attract the attention of people who have gone through something similar and possibly get their feedback and advice on it. I know doing this might possibly attract some hate from certain users but I'm willing to risk that as long as there are those few out there who would like to help :)
Aida
P.S
If you are my friend or an acquaintance that I have had the pleasure of knowing in the real world, I ask you to avoid bringing this up in the future. I'm currently having a difficult time trying to express this and I'm afraid that if we were to talk about this, it will leave the both of us feeling deeply uncomfortable and I might possibly cry. I don't want to ruin our conversational experience, I promise you (If you'd like) that I'll talk about this once I'm ready.

Clint Eastwood ( a.k.a Graduation Day Post!!)

Will you look at that? Looks like I am rajin after all! Okay, so where do I start??

 So the ceremony technically started at 2pm but graduates were suppose to be there at about 11 am for briefings and photo ops. Seeing that it was a typical, humid and hot Malaysian day, I came rushing into the "prep" hall sweating and panting for breath. Thank god I wasn't in my grad gear yet but I wasn't necessarily in my best state of self so getting ready was quite a challenge. After getting ready, it finally came the time for personal photo sessions with friends and fellow graduates :)

With my pink Samsung NX 1000 in hand, I was ready to rock and roll, I just needed a friend to take my photos with..

Left;Najwa Shaiful, Middle:Sabrina Lokman, Right: Aida and her chubby ass arms...

Here we have a couple of my (*scholar) friends (I didn't have the opportunity to take pictures with all of them sadly, :'( ). I didn't really bond with them during my first semester here but thanks to the trials and tribulations of Calculus class, I had the opportunity to share a lot of memories with them. Fun fact, if the valedictorian nominations were based on the individual's actual grade instead of students votes, Sabrina would have been the chosen one because that girl is smart and hardworking as hell!! Not that I resent the chosen valedictorian. He gave a wonderful speech :3 Okay, siapa lagi?

Alright, double mais sensation! Who knew I would end up bumping into her in little old CPU?? But seriously though, how wonderful it was to have her care free no holds bar, chirpy attitude going around in that CPU building. This lovely lady whom I have had the pleasure of knowing for almost 6 years  (since sekolah menengah okay!!!) never fails to light up a room and get people talking <3 p="">

  Then it was finally 2 pm.... We were escorted to the big hall where the official ceremony were to take place. 

Sorrylah, these 3 photos were taken by my dad after I passed it to him. He had no idea on how my camera worked so most of the photos he took were pretty blurry....

So a few speeches here, a couple of special awards there, it was finally time to go get that diploma!!!

Look at me all awkward and nervous on that stage!!!Haha

After all the diplomas were given out,  there was this final candlelight vigil ceremony ( a sort of metaphorical "passing of the knowledge" ceremony of sorts) but really it was just for the purposes of a good photo op so.... again, sorry for the blurry photos, my dad has no idea how to use my camera. Then came for more personal photo sessions!

"Attack of the Giant Flower Bouquet!" My photo op with the mummies who if not for her constant encouragement, I would possibly not have graduated CPU..

"hehe! sangat excites!" The man who reluctantly obliges to my every whim (but with conditions of course). My 24:Live another day and Game of Thrones buddy :D. The parent that people say I resemble the most :P

Then came this Singaporean sunshine! This Kpop lover who I'm happy to call her my friend. The one who I constantly talk to during my second semester here and always has something to be excited about. There's just something within this cutie pie soul that makes me wanna share everything with her. If you (Uswah Mansor) happen to stumblr upon this blog in the near future, I wish you the best (like really the best) of luck in your future and I know I've probably said this a thousand times, I'm really glad I was able to make friends with you this semester :,D

Then there's Harshini Jega. The legend, the sista with all the sass knowledge that could last you a lifetime. She and I took chemistry last semester and had the opportunity to be in the same Biology and Social Science class this year! Nothing is too explicit for this girl (I mean, what do you expect? She's friends with Mais). Her humour and hard work has always motivated me to do better during my time here in CPU and I'm 100% confident she'll be successful in university!

Another Sapura friend! Ida was the first person I recognised coming here to CPU and she helped me out a lot in making sure my first few days here were bearable. This gentle little soul always has the desire to pursue great things in life but at the same time go hang with le friends. Didn't get to spend much time with her this semester but I don't love her any less. Can't believe I've known another person for 6 years! All I can say is.... keep it classy Ida B) and keep in contact! :D

This is Abhi, we shared and english class last year and is technically my tumblr buddy. The individual who gets my damaged , tumblr-polluted soul. The one who has a great understanding towards my weird sense of humour and was more than happy in welcoming me to the number of fandoms she already is a part of.

This Kazakhstani beauty is Amina! (look at her, my gawd she's gorgeous!) We shared a lot of our Advanced Functions and Calculus woes with each other. She's blunt as hell and I love her for that! She's like the very first friend I made at CPU! I had no idea she was from Kazakhstan which made things a little more awkward during that first conversation. But I'm glad she stuck with me throughout this whole time. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I think that's about it, I'll post a few more photos (that are decent) on this post just so you (fellow phantom reader) can have a feel of things on that day:

Fury oh fury

With graduation passed, it has officially come to that time feared by many fickle and hypocritical young people....

That's right, University applications....

    To be quite honest with you, I should have been applying to universities way before I graduated (which I already have.....but only to one university......reply for that application is pending). My mum presented to me the idea of directly studying overseas instead of doing a twinning programme which I think is a great opportunity but then again, there's the whole financial issue. Furthermore, the fact that I have intentions to do psychology doesn't really help since there isn't a lucrative career coming out of it, especially here in Malaysia. I have a feeling that my dad wanted me to do audiology since there are a couple of national universities here that offer that major. There are two major problems with that;

1. I have a 12th grade qualification that is from a private institution.

2.  My 12th grade qualification is technically non-existent in the world of public universities

     -what do I mean?

     -    Public uni's do accept some form of international qualification (A-levels, AUSMAT etc.) but they have no idea that one is able to obtain an Ontario Secondary School Diploma here, hence they have no clue in what the programme actually consists of.

And out of my own personal reasons (*which I will not state here), I don't really want to go to a public university here................. It scares me a lot of the kind of money we put in for tertiary education. The sacrifices we have to make, the debts we have to pay (both financially and personally) while at the same time going into a future where there might not even be a job for us anymore. I keep telling myself that there are already too many people pursuing a major for the sake of a job and I should instead pursue the kind of university major in hopes that I would end up doing what I love instead. But there are too many holes in that logic and there would be a higher possibility of me regretting everything in the end because my qualifications would render me unemployable.... I'm attempting to be positive about my prospects but it's really difficult. My dad is constantly asking me what's my proper future plans once I finish my undergraduate and I said I would hope to continue with a masters but that plan is not exactly......full proof. Moreover, that plan requires more money! That really bugs me a lot and it also doesn't help that your father keeps bringing it up. It's definitely true and important that I come up with a full proof plan and there are those times where I would think it would be easier if I just throw my hands up to my dad and tell him I'm pursuing a medical degree, but based on my personal experiences in handling high pressure situations, I'll fail miserably in that aspect. To add, based on my parent's personal experiences, architecture isn't really a career to be happy about right now. I think if you (fellow phantom reader) have read my previous posts (from like, I don't know, 2 years ago???) my beloved parents (particularly my mum in this case) haven't been technically happy with where they are for a really long time. *Takes a deep breath* Okay, that's all I have to vent for now... I really hope that I would figure something out before it's too late. 

Please don't be discouraged by my post, I'm sure there's a plan out there for everyone.

Thanks for reading ;)

aida

P.S

To any of you who are actually reading this and have a good idea on how a MARA loan works, please, for the love of god please explain it to me in the comments!!! Okay bye :3

June 2014

So, I just finished my entire CPU programme (woohoo! But at the same time aww man...) and thought I would just post one or two photos I took on the last day before finals, so here they go:

getting ready for the Calculus group shot

The most awkward of the calculus class group shot

the supposed candid calculus group shot

The C&C (social science) group photo

As you guys can tell from this photo, that my C&C lecturer (Mr. Dutch) is quite the physical brute so it didn't take a lot of effort for him to win an arm wrestling competition against the students of the Period 5 C&C class

The Period 5 class still struggling to win the arm wrestling contest

Dance In The Graveyard

 Good morning and happy Friday!

     I have about an hour until I have to get ready for school so I thought might as well start blogging a little bit after so long.
     May would be my last month of learning at CPU and in June I go into my Finals, then graduate. Time has gone by so fast this past year and I can't believe that I'll be starting actual university soon! I'm not planning to overseas in order to loosen my parents' burden a little (but only by a ver small margin) and decided to do my degree locally. I had intentions on going to a national university (USM, UM, UKM etc.) but I decided against it since I really didn't have the desire to do the kind of degree I planned for if I ever ended up going there (*audiology).
    I'm actually not ready to leave Pre-U yet mainly because I just have no idea where to go.... I do express some regret over not applying to a university overseas but I really think that right now is not a good time to do that (or maybe it's just my subconscious desire to ever not leave home???). Another reason why I'm not ready to leave yet is because I'm having such a wonderful time at CPU, I just think that 1 year is not enough. So I advise you future CPU students to take more then 2 semesters if possible. Despite having sent much longer time in primary and secondary school, I can't help but think that out of all my recent education experience, I'll be cherishing this one the most. Teachers here are so wonderful and different and students in general are more respectable and tolerable to each other. Although the assignments here are significantly heavier, it is greatly appreciated and all of my handwork going into it actually has some proper value for once. I know that I won't have an educational experience as good as this for at least the next 3 years of my life, but I hope I would be proven wrong. Which is why I'm having such a difficult time choosing the right university at the time being. Apart from that, I have a lot of other rings to consider like tuition fees and if I should stay at a dorm and if I should consider doing a twinning programme and etc.
   But regardless, I generally just hope that I would end up happy in life despite of the amount of money I end up making. I don't mind if I end up married (with kids or no kids) or if I end up alone. I just want to be satisfied with all that I have and truly cherish it. I guess that was the main thing I learned being at CPU and I thank Allah SWT everyday that I did. :)
Aida

In all that chaos there is calculation...

   Sorry for not updating blogs you guys. As usual I have school to attend to and I haven't really got an idea what to contemplate about (well maybe I do but I just don't know how to eloquently present it). So I'm just going to post my midterms and give you my opinions on it.

   Dum!Dum!Dum! Here they are friends! To be quite honest I'm actually slightly upset with my progress here. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this to you guys but despite the short length of time between the beginning of the semester and the midterms, your midterm marks are actually extremely important as most people use it to send in their applications to universities overseas and it basically is the standard grade that would set the bar on how well you're cable of doing for the semester. It's pretty difficult to lift your grades that is like 10 marks higher or vice versa, if there is any changes made into your grade it'll be like a couple of points more or less (unless you flunked hard on the final examinations). I was hoping to get a 90% for at least one of my subjects but it was not going to happen...It's hard to admit but all of my lecturers this semester are greedy hardballs (wwhhaaattt??) when it comes to giving out grades.

  I'm currently having a long weekend break so with long weekends comes with a long list of assignments:

The list app is Wunderlist

   As per usual, I haven't done any of it yet (lol) but I'm going to start soon I promise (gulp)! hahahaha...  My brother's having his annual All-Boys slumber party with his friends tonight so I'm not sure how I'll cope with that since the top floor of my house (my brother's room) don't have the thickest floors and walls. I also calculated that the average weight of the boys would be about 85kg so......I'm not condemning their weight in any way it's just that my brother has REALLY TALL GIGANTIC FRIENDS 0.0 But I'll do my best to manage like I have been doing for the past 7 years...

  A little on the flip side, I've started casually reading fiction again (yay!). First book on the list:

Paper Towns by John Green! I've always loved John Green as an author and a person in general. He writes the most beautiful stories and I'm lucky to have read almost all of them! His latest book, The Fault In Our Stars has been turned into a movie and it'll be out in theatres soon so I'm SUPER STOKED! But I have to be quite honest and say, I'm kind of doubting the actor choice for the role of Augustus 'Gus' Waters (leading male). If you don't know, the person who's playing the character is Ansel Elgort:

Ain't he quite the stud?

He seemed stiff in the Divergent and trios movie trailers...

But I hope I'm wrong and he does well in both movies. Either way I'll be happy as long as John Green's happy with how his book-to-movie adaptation turns out (fingers crossed).  Good movie or bad movie, trios (The Fault In Our Stars) is a beautiful story. I'll post some behind the scenes stuff from the trios movie from John Green's Youtube channel (yes, John Green has a popular Youtube channel...).

Aida

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3H1T3xqzZY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=523xQXeKWig

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AHL0OwZvF4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Degozv3kZH4

We will find you acting on your best behaviour...

    Tonight is just one of those nights where I know I have some school work to get done but I can't find myself to care even a little bit. It's not as much as hell weekend work but it carries some weight (the kind of weight light enough for me to not care, LOL). So I spend the long Saturday nights not doing much except go read superficial magazines, eat ice cream and doing other useless things I guess. I'm not sure why I'm doing this right now (maybe I'm still coming off from "Hell Weekend") and I know it's not a good thing, but I like it very much. I'll probably regret it the next night but I enjoy the feeling of not being in a hurry all the time. I don't have to worry about doing the next assignment, or rearranging my schedule to fit this class or event and etc. But then again, I'll end up coming off with this thing I call "the weekend hangover" where I'll be in a rush to get everything ready for the beginning of another hectic school week.  Okay, so now that's put aside, I've got another drama to blog about in my life (I really need to stop whining on this blog, my god)
   
     The reason why I'm typing this situation out is because; 1. no one really reads this blog so I'm okay, 2. no one in my life really understands this particular situation I'm currently experiencing so I thought it's just best to type it all down here. So here it goes:

     So remember about that thesis thing I had to do for my social science class? Well I initially had a partner who was suppose to do it with me. This partner happened to be a close friend I made during my first semester at CPU. So within those few weeks of the 2nd semester, parts of the assignment was given for us to complete which would eventually be compiled with the future parts of the ISU assignments later on. I realised that I was doing the bulk of the work and I even had to spend a lot of time helping her out doing her part of the work which frustrated me but I couldn't really tell her because: 1. she's a friend, 2. I know that she really struggles with understanding and organising the ideas when it comes to this particular class so I can't really penalise her for it. So instead I released all my frustrations on to a friend from Calculus class who also happens to be taking the same subject but during a different period. So this former thesis partner of mine continue to have problems finishing her work on time and as a result, she would intentionally skip those classes to avoid having to explain her issue with these given assignments. Eventually my social science (C&C) lecturer caught on and blatantly asked me during a class if my partner was doing anything which I then went into defence mode and said that she was because truthfully, she actually was doing some work, it's just that she hasn't been handing it in (note that I was in a different class period when this happened, so this mentioned partner wasn't there to hear it). So she continued to skip more classes to avoid confrontation and one day I just thought, "you know what? maybe she's really struggling in this class and I should talk to my lecturer to discuss this." So I did, I called him out and nervously presented my worries to him (he's a big muscular guy, have some sympathy for me)..... I don't know, maybe it came out wrong or maybe it's my subconscious doing this but from one thing to another, he down right said that he's going to kick my partner out of his class. He said that she skipped his class 4 days (3 actually) in a row and he feels that it's not fair to me. So I freaked out because I didn't realise that he was going to do that ( I just wanted him to go talk to her parents, I didn't want her to get into that much trouble????!?!??!?!) so I stuttered my way through trying to explain that her other "priorities" are putting a lot of pressure and etc. but he had made his mind up. He told me that he already sent an email to the vice principal (VP) about her and he was going down to the office right away to ask the VP to call my former partner up and demand her for some explanation (she skipped class on that day too). So in my head I was just like; "f*ck! Did I just rat her out? Holy crap why did I call him out to discuss about this??!!! Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!". So I sat back down, continuing my work while he went down to the office.  A while later, he called me back out to tell me what's up. He told me that the VP just called her and gave her an earful and he also told me that he's going to wipe her current grades out clean and he's making her start over all of the work he had given the class, in my head I was like, "awww sh*t, I'm too far gone now". To add to my "aww sh*t" moment, he said that she doesn't know yet that he wiped her grades out clean and all that stuff.  So on Monday, she'll be like coming into class expecting the usual not knowing that he did that but I know that he did all that and aaaaaggggghhhhhhh!!!!
     
      So at this stage, I haven't really talked to her about what she feels about this and discuss about the information I know. I really want to share all of what I know just to get her prepared for this coming Monday but I'm afraid of how she would react. I don't want to add to her current worries yet at the same time it'll be cruel to just let things be and let her be extremely embarrassed and surprised when my lecturer tells this to her on Monday. Who knows how he'll break it to her (note that apart from being a big guy, he's also very brash and sometimes really harsh). He might even announce it to the whole class for all we know??!!!!
 
    Just to summarise how I feel about this, I'm actually a little relieved that I'm working alone for the thesis now since I don't have to worry how she's doing but at the same time I feel really bad because I sort of basically called her out. Now I'm sure she's wondering what the f*ck I told my lecturer that day because I remembered texting her telling that either if she decides to come or not for class, my lecturer's already aware that she was in college. She then told me to tell him that she "went back home early" or something. But by then it was too late, he was already frustrated with her string of absences and I was already to fed up with the whole progress of the assignment (this happened before  I asked to talk to my lecturer privately).
   
   So I'm at a loss. At one end I think it's a good thing that this is happening to her (because that girl really needs to set her priorities straight and not trouble others) but at the other end, not all 19 year olds have their priorities figured out and she is a good genuine person who just wants to enjoy her time committing to her other activities before she enters the adult world. We all know that the adult world isn't a fun place to be in especially when we're pressured into a career and/or life we don't really want.

    So I guess that's the theme of tonight's post, priorities ...........
Man that's a sombre conclusion,  I really need to lighten up my posts. Whatever it is, I hope that I could remain friends with her because I don't want to end my semester in a sour note.

Life so far.

   Last weekend is what I'd like to call the "Hell Weekend".  Never in my life was I given so much work to finish off to the point that I was ready to burst like an atomic bomb. Let me remind you that the assignments I was suppose to finish that weekend was not a last minute, procrastination, "should've done it earlier" kind of thing. It was just a shit load of assignments given from a couple of lecturers who were freaking out over key-ing in mid semester marks and were unaware that their students had other subjects to attend to. Let me just list down the things that had to be done before the weekend was up:
Calculus and Vectors 12 (MCV4U):-
1. Prepare respective part of slides for Chapter 7 summary presentation (group presentation of chapter
    7 of MCV4U)
2. Prepare nine Chapter 6 & 7 quiz questions+solutions as part of the Individual Study Unit (ISU)
3. Prepare summary notes for mentioned presentation (this wasn't a "rajin" thing. I really had to summarise a part of chapter 7 of MCV4U, type it out, print it, compile with my group members summary notes and hand it to the lecturer and students)
4. Compile my quiz questions+solutions with my group members'( quiz questions+solutions) and turn it into a quiz packet for the other students as part of chapter 6 & 7 revision for the upcoming test.
5. Study chapter 6 & 7 for THE UPCOMING TEST, which was today....
6. Finish chapter 7 homework.

Challenge & Change [social science class] (HSB4M)
1. find more research articles related to negative effects of media.
2. From there, pick two out of the many articles and write a summary about it along with the author of the article's biodata and determine the article's bias (among many other things).
3. Find its citation(bibliography, reference etc.), type it down (according to format) and attach it with the summary.
4. Determine the thesis hypothesis for ISU. (F.Y.I this subject requires us to create a thesis project as part of the ISU)

Biology 12 (SBI4U):-
1. Complete lab report on Catalase Enzyme Reaction
2. Study Chapter 1 for Biology test, which was that exact Monday after "Hell Weekend"

we can't play on broken strings

So I'm full speed ahead with college and all that hoo ha. I'm already in my 3rd week (I think) and everything's still pretty alright (I hope).  Although I feel I'm pretty behind right now especially in calculus and vectors. Probably because my teacher's confusing the hell out of me but I just don't have the guts to admit it. But he says vectors itself is pretty confusing in itself so I guess it's okay.
   To be quite honest with you I'm not really looking forward to this semester since I already have good knowledge of all the heavy work and late nights I got myself into last semester. Furthermore, I have yet to start on any form of community service so I have a lot coming ahead. Oh I also have to take the Ontario Secondary School Literacy Test this March so......... (*proceeds to tear pieces of hair out). I mean there's an overwhelming amount of work coming and I feel extremely scared. My social science teacher told me this semester is going to be the shortest CPU sem on record and we're in shit loads of trouble because we have to get a master's degree size thesis done in about 5 months............................. Like shit man! Those things are suppose to be a one year thing, regardless if you have a partner or not.  So let me correct myself, college right now is NOT "pretty alright". It's very scary and stressful and I couldn't be more than happier that there's a long Chinese new year holiday starting from tomorrow. But at the same time I dread that there's such a long holiday because then I'll start slacking about and there won't be a lot of progress with my school work. I'm sure people are gonna say that I should try to organise my time and all but that's the thing.  I don't have the will power to do that!!! Ugh, lazy middle class student dilemma!!!! But seriously, even when I plan something there's always some mysterious surprise thing I have to do at the very last minute. I'm also not that good in prioritising.
    But ultimately I'm just scared that I won't be able to perform as well as I did last semester:

click for larger photo

I'm pretty proud of myself at doing incredibly well but now comes that fear of not being able to perform up to par as last semester. Especially since math ain't as easy as it was last semester. To be quite honest, the only thing I continuously had trouble with last semester was chemistry...... I know it seems slightly ridiculous for worrying about everything while only at the third week of school but with graduation coming in June, I don't really have a choice. I don't know, I'm doing my best to commit to my prayers but again, my laziness always gets the better of me. I just hope honest to god that I won't lose my shit in the middle of the semester and mess up because it would be really nice to graduate this semester and not having to extend to a third semester. So with that I leave you with this hipster-esque photo of my phone and my new macbook (for which I am extremely thankful for).

thanks for listening :)

For some reason I can't explain...

 It's been quite a long time since I've done a proper blog entry which is mainly because I have been very busy trying to hand in my assignments in time without accidentally bursting into flames. 

Okay to be quite honest, I'm not really sure what to blog about recently because my life has so far been currently filled with college stuff and tumblr posts. So nothing much has changed. Still got no boyfriend, still an okay social life, still ain't pretty *shrugs*. But whatever, I'm going to do my best to continue blogging on since I've kept this site for almost 6 years now.

  

Alright, so for a little update: 

1. I have just completed my finals for my first semester  but as always it didn't really end as well as I hoped it would. But in good news, there were no signs of creeping panic attacks so therefore I did not go into an emotional breakdown during the exams. So new achievement unlocked! (yay!) 

2. I (nearly) finished all of my assignments (except for that annoying one) for the subjects I took this year so I now have a basic idea of the stress I am going to expect next year. Let's just hope that the stress slightly lessens by then since I already took the taxing core English subject (But I suspect it'll be more or less the same since I registered for a social science class for next year). 

3. My semester break has technically begun like 2 days ago [So here I am].

    So I think that's the latest of what I've been up to so far really, nothing much. I'm so glad that I finally got a semester break because, seriously I just cannot take another series of assignments and tests as of right now. I'm looking to spend the first few weeks of my break with a little bit of rest (which is why I'm going for a 4-day trip to Bali sometime next week) and I'm hoping to spend the rest of the days starting up on some community service hours since I haven't really started on it (f.y.i, as a student of the Canadian Pre-University programme, I am required to do at least 10 hours of community service in order to graduate). Yup, I think that's about the only things I have planned really, maybe I'll fit in a few university sightings and lonely shopping in there. The only mentionable worthy activity I've done so far is go to the Big Bad Wolf annual book sale;

for those of you who don't know, The Big Bad Wolf Book Sale (a.k.a Big Bad Wolf or BBW) is an annual book mega sale that is usually held by the end of the year.

   This was my first year going there and lucky enough I was able to go there twice. It was very thrilling going there since the books were hella cheap and were pretty new. 

    Okay, so I'm pretty tired right now so I am going to stop the post right here. I'm planning to do a BBW book haul post soon so keep a watch on that (lol, again; like anybody reads this blog, especially now). I'll try to update as much as I can on my Blogspot while I'm on my vacation. ;)

BYEEEEEEEEE......

College.... (the real deal)

 So I haven't really been blogging for a while mainly because of well, college and I don't really have much to blog about. So the last post I realised I didn't really give a full basic description of my life in "senior high school" or pre-university.  So I'll give you a quick run down, I'm doing Taylor's Canadian Pre-U program which spans for about a year. I started in the middle of July and would most likely finish my course by the end of June. I have to take 6 subjects in total minus the MOE core subjects (Malaysian studies and Islamic studies). It's a lot of work because it's a pretty packed course so I've been super exhausted and burned out a lot lately. The 3 subjects I'm currently taking are:

- ENG4U~ This is probably the only core subject everyone has to take in order to graduate so majority choose to take it within the first semester just so they could get it out of the way. My teacher's name is Ms. Aalia Sheriff and she's Indian-Canadian and I'll be damned ain't she the cutest with her pixie hair cut and sophisticated Canadian accent. She's really nice and teaches very well overall. But the work for the subject I'd say is the most out of the 3 subjects I'm currently taking because there's a lot of literary thesis stuff I have to do.

-Chemistry~ First of all, I'm taking Chem as a safety net subject because I plan to do something related to bioscience and I'm sure many universities are going to make that subject a must before I get to enter. Mr. Khaled or Mr. Khal teaches me Chem and I'm just gonna throw out the usual he's nice and teaches very well crap because it's true.But at times it can be a bit boring because we don't do a lot in his class except for staring at his slides as he explains the topic. This is the subject that I really have to study on my own because I can lose focus while inside the class at times and Mr. Khal doesn't really teach the entire content of the topic. He was formerly from Palestine but had to move to Canada due to the war. He probably has the thickest Canadian accent so far out of all the three which is kind of weird in a way. He's probably the most lenient with school work which is good but at the same time really bad because he gives high priority towards our chapter tests when determining our averages and sadly, I'm not doing so well in that department :-/

-Advanced Functions/ Pre-calculus~ Surprisingly I'm doing pretty well in this class which is a first because I've never really done well in a math class. I'm not the best but I would say I'm pretty decent. This class also rests highly on chapter tests which is like >:( , but I'm thankful that I've been able to understand the classes so far. My teacher's name is Mr. Samiee and he's new to the Taylor's CPU scene. Prior to this he's been to a bunch of different places all around the world so it's kind of hard trying to pin point where he's exactly from but I suspect he's Turkish.

Apart from that I have blended learning Mondays where there wouldn't be any structured learning on that day but students are assigned with work and are required to meet with the teacher on that day but without any specific time frame. I also have to do 10 hours of community service and to help, the school would provide some programs to help us out. I have yet to do any community service as I am a lazy bum :P

  Well I guess that's a gist of my current pre-u life that is at times exhausting but I try to enjoy as much as I can. It's pretty different when compared to my old school life but I much prefer this more, sure it can be a bit lonely at times since I don't really have "hang out friends" but sometimes I guess you got to sacrifice a little to have a good education.

aida

college......

 Please forgive me for not have been updating my blog for such a long time. As you can tell by the title, I've already started college ( already 4 weeks in) and as many people have said before me, it's a lot of work. Like holy crap, I've never been so exhausted in my life. I've also realised that all thic college stuff has been taking a toll on my face (look at the picture for reference). I had my first panic attack yesterday at college mainly because I had a chapter test for chemistry and I felt that I didn't study enough. I thought it would still be okay because the worst that could happen is that I do badly on that test and all I have to do is attend extra classes but a certain near car accident on my way to college really did it for me. I parked my car and  tears just burst out of my eyes like it was fireworks during raya. I washed my face and tried to keep a hold on myself but I really couldn't so like always I told people I wasn't feeling so well. Then it came.................. the purge........................................ In the midst of class, I felt something weird in my mouth so I ran into the wash room and everything just came out; my food, my emotions, my tears, (and a partial of my dignity) etc. I wasn't sure that if I was just so god damn nervous at the time so I was really panicking by then. Good ol' Maisarah gave me some panadol to sort of ease my tensions so I was okay for a good while. Until about the midst of my break that I felt my body being all weird and sensitive that I decided to go home. I took a nap and felt my body warming up so my mum brought me to the doctors. Apparently I got the stomach flu which explains all the excrement of nutrients through my mouth earlier. Lol, sorry for the graphic details :3
   So you can tell by now I'm not doing so well but I'm doing my best to get by and thankfully I've already made a few friends in my classes so it's getting better everyday. Now will you excuse me, I have some homework to do.........

30 day snap #11

 Stumbled upon my cats randomly lying around in my parents' room like they just dropped out of the sky and decided to stay that way. There was also good lighting so I decided to capture the moment before it was too late.........LOL, I guess that's it then. In other news, Athira and I have been texting to each other a lot lately since she just started college in Sarawak and all. Poor little lady, she had to skip all her classes on the first day because she had trouble finding the lecture halls but I can assure you she's doing much better today. Achtung Athira! Achtung!

will you look at that..

Now what do I do with this........